but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
