what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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