I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
