well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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