Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
