I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
