is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
