i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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