Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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