shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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