My cat gives me a boner
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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