I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
