Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
