I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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