Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
