He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
