i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
