i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it because I queefed?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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