May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
