Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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