What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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