Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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