im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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