Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
