and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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