college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
