i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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