i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
