i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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