He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
