I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
