I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
