i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
