the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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