Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
