is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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