mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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