Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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