The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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