i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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