So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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