her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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