Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
