He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
