Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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