my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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