I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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