ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
