Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
