Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
