Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
