I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
