Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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