Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
