I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
