you guys were way drunker than both of me
I met the friendliest cop last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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