woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
