dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
