I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
