Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's like iHOP with fire
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
