it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
