she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
