I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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