Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
