walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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