She said her name was "party"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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