when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
