Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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