dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
