It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
