I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
