he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize