I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
