I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
