i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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