My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
