How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
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Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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