Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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