Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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